I’ve written this a hundred times over in my head. Where do I start from?
It is so sad how quickly you have forgotten who you are, and who your Father is. And you have taken over control of your own body to use it as you please. You’re such a human!
The cold drives us towards warmth, and so we make a fire. It keeps us warm, and healthy. But boy, you never see us pack up burning coals and embrace them, and hold them to our chest, in our search for warmth. Wouldn’t that be a stupid sight? How can you get away unscathed?
Silly boy. You thought you could handle stuff. How quickly you forgot that you are, without God, another mindless mass of flesh in pursuit of selfish desires. You forgot that the earth smells confidence, and the flesh takes pride in it. All the flesh wants to do is fail and fall, and confidence is it’s trigger.
You give reasons for everything, present a logical understanding of it, so you can find a comfortable design for the perpetration of the evil in your heart. It is deliberate and mechanical, and has nothing to do with your actions.
What you have failed to understand is that the life of Christ cannot be mechanical and automated. It is a conscious, daily decision to honour and uphold the standards of Jesus Christ, growing daily into Him, being filled to the brim by his persona, the character of light.
When you stop being conscious, you become mechanical and automated. Another word for that: flesh.
You begin to move only in knowledge, and fail in the application of it properly. Essentially, you may know it all, but you have let go of Wisdom. Then you begin to rationalise you decisions, and justify your actions. You forget that only the Lord For Almighty justifies. You don’t have the authority to justify you.
And now see how you fell into the oldest trap of all. You let the lust of the flesh take a hold of you, and you mechanically and systematically became human again. Quite a shame.
Oh, I’m rambling. I’m pained.
You think you’re mere mortal?! You have Jesus literally living on the inside of you, but you did the things he wouldn’t do.
Look how it starts: continuously deciding to take decisions for the lesser good. This did not begin with a desire for evil. No. It began with a desire for the lesser good.
You settled for less!
You forgot that consistently settling for less will sooner or later degenerate into evil. That’s how we miss the mark.
Boy, I acknowledge your pain.
I feel terrible that I have to highlight your foolishness and stupidity in thinking you had, at any time, by your own power. You took things for granted.
But I acknowledge your pain.
Are we not therefore glad for Jesus, for his gift of grace?
Before he tells you not to sin anymore, he takes away your guilt and shame, and refuses to condemn you. Take that strength today, because in condemnation there is weakness, and a certain creeping back to the sin.
Where condemnation does not exist, there is love and substantial strength to cover the sin. Not cover up, but to avail a step up from it.
Boy, don’t make the mistake that you guilt and shame aids the situation. By all means, grieve. And mourn. Cry your eyes out.
But you have got to get up, because the strength you require is made available. Waste little time moping about it. There’s yet work to do.
You have not pushed yourself to the end of your supernatural ability in Christ. You’re merely scratching the surface, and you have more strength than you can imagine. There’s really no temptation you can handle, but there’s no temptation he cannot handle.
You have got to live in him, for it is in him we live, and move, and have our being. That’s the only recipe, my boy. You will discover that you can actually keep your hands to yourself till she’s yours to handle.
Understand this: your sin isn’t a function of your circumstance, but of the state of your heart.
Correct your heart. Hold the Word of God to heart, and do what it says. Be decisive in your living, and let the things he has given you gladden your heart for the things that they are, for the God who gave them to you, and not for the juices of your fleshly exertions.
There is wisdom for living in the scriptures, my boy. Learn them. Live them.
As for your guilt, it is left for you to give it up or hold it up. But choose the latter, and enjoy the endless cycle of your downward spiral. Guilt brings countless resolutions, made in passion and in reliance on your strength.
But accept the free love of God and know what it truly means to live. He did leave the 99 to find the one, didn’t he? You’re precious to him, far more than he will ever be precious to you.
P. S: You’re still a saint. ☺ 😊