It’s getting relatively easier to live without my father. There are those times I am in a situation, and I know if he were alive, there wouldn’t be any need to worry. And on those days, I leak. The tears just come out. Sometimes I wail in the bathroom, or in the kitchen while trying to make a meal and struggling to make sure my tears don’t eliminate the necessity of salt.
But most days, I’m really fine. I’ve accepted that whatever situation I find myself in will always turn out good, regardless of how I feel about it. God has built, and is building, my mental strength with the little I have faced, and I am glad for it.
I had a pretty amazing day on Monday, my birthday. For a recluse like me, the attention was really too much. I’m actually glad it’s over.
My mother called me three times. Three times! All in the space of one hour. I think she kept remembering things to pray for, and then she would call back to pray. I don’t know why she didn’t just talk directly to God on my behalf, because it’s just weird when you’re on a call and the only thing you have to say repeatedly is “Amen”. Just weird.
I had to be on my phone for almost, if not the entire day. Replying messages on multiple platforms is really crazy when they literally come in every minute. Then I had to receive calls, something I’m not really keen on (Olaide knows this, even though she called as well). It wore down my body.
But my spirit was lifted, really. People are really kind with words on your birthday. If you take out the regular however, you will see very honest things about what people think of you. Knowing that can really help you reevaluate yourself and commit to being a better person.
I really, really appreciate every body that took time to express those thoughts to me.
I was overwhelmed by UC’s huge gesture on Instagram (OMG!!!), and the very lovely message Toyosi sent me is still warming my heart. Just so you know Toyosi, I copied it out and mailed it to myself. You cannot lose a message like that biko. Wande, we are of the same stock, but you’re just really short. And I don’t know why Seun Williams would think I would go around preaching on the streets of Katsina. Seriously. Thank God Mo’s message came in just in time, cos I was ready to blast her. Who cares about time zone?
Pastor Bola left a message and a picture on Facebook that, among other things reminded me of a time when I had a lot of hair, and my bumpy face was my insignia in UNILAG. Thank you ooo, Pastor Bola. Well done. There is God.
This is how I look now though:
And Olaide had to call to remind me how much of a silly person I can be, and why I should go get married and all that and all that. She can be a real pain, that girl. Plus Peju called. I haven’t seen her since UNILAG. Hearing her voice again made me realise how much I have missed her. Such a wonderful person, and she played a crucial role in me getting into Jesus.
Pastor AIR, hmm. I can’t lie o, you have to stick to music production. As much as I loved you singing for me, daddy just open studio and promote others. Let me end it there before Mummy Laps will ri si mi.
I am just so grateful to the wonderful people of CLASFON Abuja, the previous set and the current set. Your words were very kind to me. For a moment, I allowed myself float in all the juicy goodness they brought to me, and they will forever be dear to my heart. You are all dear to my heart, whether I keep in touch or not.
The goons from Igbobi College 07 class are real goons. Thank you all. Bolu that stays in Katsina did not surprise me with cake o, just so you know. I hold it against him.
The many friends who left me messages on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and BBM and WhatsApp and all those places sha, I am really really so grateful. God bless you all immensely.
I have been immensely blessed. Not only that. You all have encouraged me. A lot! I can only say that I am really happy that our paths crossed one way or another, and that you think I affected you in any way at all. It was on a day when I really considered that I had not been so much of a blessing as I would have wanted to, and I realised one thing: I don’t get to pick when I want to be a blessing. All I have to do is direct my heart to God, and live a life of love, and things will fall into place. People will be blessed, and they will wait for another birthday to tell me how good they think I’ve been. That’s not an entirely bad cycle, if you get what I mean.
I want to stay real to what God has called me to. It is a really delicate ministry, one that requires a great deal of wisdom and courage, but I trust He will do it, because it is His work. I want to write to everyone who cares to read, that I love God immensely, and I want to take this fresh start and stay true to this Christian calling. For all the grace He has bestowed, may my life be a joy to behold, and a blessing to unfold.
And that bottle of Fanta…
M father, while he was alive and I was still home, never failed to celebrate me in his own little way. “We must celebrate. Gbenga, go get us drinks. And make sure you get a bottle of Fanta for Seyi. That’s his favourite. Or has it changed?”
I haven’t gotten that bottle of Fanta in a while, and I missed that on Monday. Really did.